We All Liked Him


At Elevator Gallery’s annual Zero de Conduit event, five ladies and one gentleman took over the dance floor, doing the hustle in formation to The Bee Gee’s hit ‘You Should be Dancing’. Hips thrusting and arms gyrating, the stud took each lady one by one for a spin to clear some space for his solo dance. While he performed a routine to make John Travolta green with envy, I took the microphone. The music faded slightly as I recount a dream I had.

I was back in high school. The cutest boy in the whole school was running around the track. Me and my girlfriends looking out of a window staring. I could see the lust in all our eyes reflected in the window as we sang the Brady Bunch theme song: “All of them had hair of gold, like their mother.” And that’s when I noticed that my friends and I all had blonde hair, like our TV mother. We were TV sisters, so close, so alike. And we shared a desire for the same boy. Would this tear us apart? Would I choose my sisters or leave them for The Boy? Must I choose?

The women then encircled the lone male, enticing him. A cat-fight broke out, one lady grabbed another by her hair, another got an elbow in the gut until one lady was left to dance one-on-one with Him. She thought she had him all to herself when another chick finally recovered and tore her away too. The music ground to a halt and a spotlight illuminated a giant papier-mâché cock. The first lady to notice it screamed, alerting the others. In a moment of camaraderie they deserted the stud and stormed the penis piñata. With sticks ready to hand they destroyed the phallus in a frenzy. After a concerted and violent effort, assorted white candies, condoms and confetti bursted out.

Choreographed by Katherine Shirley

Performed by Oriana Fox, Moonie King, Claire Soares, Alice Theobald, Sven Olivier Van Damme and Ianthe Wright

See images of the penis piñata before demolition >